The Body Project

Yesterday I got to be a part of something unique.  It's called The Body Project (http://lovebodyproject.wordpress.com/).  Women come together for a photo shoot and share their stories and enjoy each other's company.  My social phobic side was definitely nervous because we were going to have a big group.  I woke up with a headache and I thought, "Aha!  I don't feel well, maybe I shouldn't go..."  But this other part of me said, "You have to go, you've been planning this for months." 

And I had been planning this for months.  I found out about The Body Project through two different friends after I came out with my eating disorder.  It sounded like a great project; empowering women to love their bodies.  I had looked at some of the pictures (all very beautiful) and was surprised how many decided to just wear a bra and panties or even go topless and how much they were willing to share about their lives.  I hardly like my husband seeing my body, how was it these women were so brave?

I figured out yesterday why all the women that have been a part of this project are brave.  Because we are doing this together and we have a common goal: to show the world that all bodies are beautiful and that all of our stories matter.  Going around the room and listening to everyone share something personal about themself was moving.  My introduction was very short because I started getting emotional, no one else had been emotional and I didn't want to be the only person who cried, but a few intros later a woman did shed tears.  I just wanted to give her a hug.

We all had to choose an affirmation to put on our body.  For me, I decided to write "MINE" on my stomach.  The reasoning behind this: I have my one and only body and it's time I'm proud of it and claim it.  I wore a bikini that I only had worn maybe two times before this (a common theme among us was lack of bikini wearing or even owning).  I felt exposed when I took my tank top and shorts off.  But once Katy, the photographer, was figuring out the logistics of my pose I didn't feel as vulnerable.  The other ladies were chatting with each other and I'm sure some watched while I had my picture taken (I had attentively watched everyone else), but it was my time so I let myself be selfish and focus just on Katy and me.  I wanted my photo to be comparable to Sports Illustrated models.

Why?

Because I know I don't look like them.  Because it's my turn to be proud of my body and feel sexy.  Because maybe someone will look at the photo and realize they can wear a bikini too.  Because ED can shove it.  Because I decided I was worth it.  I was worthy of being a Sports Illustrated model for those few minutes.

Katy showed me the final shot and I was in awe.  I looked...good.  I liked what I saw.  That was me in that picture and...wow.  I could see all my months of hard work have paid off because I could actually look at this photo and be pleased with it.  The ironic thing is, I didn't physically change since being in treatment, but I can see something, or really someone, different now.  It's amazing how powerful our minds are.  Six months ago I hated my reflection in the mirror and today I can tolerate it and sometimes even like it.

I'm so grateful to all the women who were at the photo shoot yesterday!  You all are wonderful people and I can't wait to see how the book turns out.  Thank you to Katy for bringing all of us together.  Together we are taking back beauty.

Edit: here's the picture!