Out of sight, out of mind

Today I'm disabling Facebook.  I'm pretty sure I'll go back to social media, but for right now I need distance and quiet.  Facebook tends to get rather loud and I think I've had my fill of all the noise.  Thank you to those who have asked how to keep in touch during my social media hiatus.

One thing that is going to happen is my social circle will shrink considerably.  I will be out of sight and out of mind of all my "friends".  I'm not trying to be mean about it, but there are people on everyone's friends list that don't ever talk to each other.  In fact, I've stopped saying happy birthday to people because it just seems so fake.  I'm going to learn rather quickly who are my real friends...and that scares me...there won't be many.

You may not know this about me, but I'm not popular.  Never was and I never will be.  It's just not in the cards.  People have shown concern with the car accident and going through treatment and now my road to recovery, but in a sense I made you pay attention to me.  You wouldn't have looked over to see what I was up to if I hadn't said anything.  If I quietly excuse myself from the room no one is going to realize I left.  It's happened to me on so many occasions, it's almost funny.  It's like I have a superpower of invisibility.  I know I blend into the wallpaper and there are times I've tried changing my pattern so someone can actually see me, but it doesn't really work.

People aren't attracted to me.  There is nothing about me that makes someone take a second glance (or even a first one, if we're being honest).  Part of that is my own doing because of my social phobia.  People make me uncomfortable and I do whatever it takes to not be around strangers.  I'd rather be at the zoo learning how to communicate with all the exotic animals than try to figure out if I'm actually friends with someone or not.  And that happens frequently.  I've met a lot of people through theatre, but who the hell knows if we're actually friends or if they even like me (and if you're wondering, I admire a lot of the theatre folk I've met along the way).  Come on, we're actors and we all have egos so let's make sure we have enough people to talk to and make sure we're talented, boost our confidence, it's like a test of worthiness.

So once I disable Facebook, I won't hear from a lot of people and I have to be ready for that.  Don't get me wrong it's not like I won't reach out to the people who I think are my friends, but the return rate in responses have always been rather low...  I have to be ready for that too.

As we've learned from Frozen, I'm going to let it go and focus on what's important.