ED is a talker

It is a rare moment when ED doesn't have anything to say.  He's been saying plenty now that I'm in recovery.  He's persistent too so even when I try to talk back to him he just gets louder and drowns me out.

ED was very excited when I first heard the word discharge.

ED: Finally!  Now we can get back to how it was, just you and me.  At work we can avoid everyone and we can do all the things we used to do.  And you can exercise!  Wouldn't it be fun if we really got you going?  This time you'll do everything right and since no one really knows anything about eating disorders you can get away with anything.

He loves to make himself sound promising.

ED: I really care about you.  I'm the only one with your best interest in mind.  I won't ever leave you and I will help you achieve all your dreams.  You want to sing, dance and act and the best way to do that is skip some meals.  It's not a big deal.  Your body doesn't really need all that food.  Energy comes from willpower not food.

Even though I know this is all a bunch of lies it's still hard to fight off.  Today it took me an hour to finally make my lunch and then eat it.  In the past I would think I could just kick ED to the curb on my own.  Everyone else seems to eat and be normal so I will do the same.  Just will myself to do it.  And maybe I can keep up with eating "right" for a few weeks, but eventually the novelty wears off.  ED whispers in my ear and I believe him and realize now much I missed him.  I've been eating six times a day since early January.  The novelty has really, really worn off.  

There is still a part of me that thinks I can go on with my daily life just perfectly fine with ED in the background. 

I tell myself I've got this under control.

But I don't.