The trouble with triggers

Yesterday I saw a post on Facebook about the most recent Biggest Loser winner.  Her weight loss started a controversy since the public eye thinks she took her weight loss journey too far.  The article was about her response to all the backlash.  I shared it with a friend.  Later in the day I was having issues with my thoughts and my friend said, don't read about the Biggest Loser!  I wasn't even thinking about the Biggest Loser at the time, but he pointed out that I still triggered myself by reading the article.  The article frustrated me and even though I was passionate about how this woman probably didn't lose all the weight in a healthy manner, I still triggered myself.  Even though I was looking at it logically, there still was the emotional side that couldn't quite handle knowing she got down to 105 pounds.

Before I went into treatment I loved watching the Biggest Loser.  See people lose twenty pounds in a week!  Damn, don't we all wish we could do that....or maybe it's just me.  ED loved watching the show as well.

ED: Look!  You can do the same!  You just have to follow my instructions.  You don't want these contestants becoming smaller than you, right?

But ED doesn't just get excited about weight loss shows.  He gets excited about magazines, diet fads and fitness crazes.  Today I was at the chiropractor and sat in a random chair in the waiting room.  Lo and behold, there was a magazine next to me.  I looked at the cover and laughed.  

So let me get this straight...I'm supposed lose weight so I can look pretty and polished then talk myself into a better mood to relieve stress which will lead to me baking hot new cookies and brownies and afterwards take care of my vision problems so I can check out an airbrushed Amy Poehler and obsess about how I don't look as thin or as beautiful as her (and since I ate those naughty cookies and brownies I will have to lose some more weight and become stressed all over again).

Right...  

Anyone else see a big problem with this magazine cover?  I used to open those magazines so fast:

A new fantastic magical diet?!  I need to read this!  

Today, I didn't even open to the first page.  I can stand back and see that this is all about making money and body shaming:

Let's make sure you hate yourself so you'll buy our product!  

Nice try, but no thanks.  I have a dietician to tell me what my body needs and encourages me to do moderate exercise.

Does this kind of magazine cover still bother me?  Of course it does!  And it shouldn't just bother me, but it should bother all of us that we are being manipulated to believe in all this crap.

Does this kind of thing trigger me?  Yes.  Right now I don't feel triggered, but just like I learned yesterday, I may start feeling anxious with all the negative thoughts later.  If that happens I know I can turn to my support system and talk it out.

Another trigger in the chiropractor's office was this flyer:

For now let's just ignore the fact that this was meant for December 2013.  All I can say is this breaks my heart that a dietician is running a program like this.  Our diets should be about giving our body the nutrition it needs and not about losing unwanted pounds or having the flattest abs.  Everyone's body knows what to do with all the necessary food groups, which can include a slice of pie or a couple Christmas cookies during the holidays.  Do you want to eat these kinds of treats all the time?  Of course not, your body will know it wants something different, something that is more dense nutritionally.  We have to learn to trust our bodies.

Let me say that again so I make sure everyone read that sentence:

We have to learn to trust our bodies.

Yeah, weird coming from me, right?  But that's what I work on every day.  Do I trust my body?  Not really...but every day I successfully follow my meal plan the more and more I will trust my body.

This is what my blog is all about, fighting ED and the media and taking back beauty.  It's our turn to define what is beautiful, not people who sit on a computer manipulating models and celebrities or critics who like to body shame people in the public eye so we all can hate on ourselves. 

It's time we accept ourselves just as we are in this very moment.  We are so much more than a number on the scale or a clothing size.  Those numbers have nothing to do with who we are as people.  Our bodies are our shells for life.  We all have one and many of us don't like what we received, but we can change that.  

I'm starting a war.  I'm taking back beauty.  Now the question is:

Will you join me?