I still need help

I haven't blogged since the end of May!  Partly why I haven't said anything is because I feel so conflicted within myself.  

I've been struggling with body image a lot and I don't really want anyone to know.  I want people to think that in recovery I'm doing really well and that although there are bad days I'm still doing amazing.  Don't get me wrong, there are days I look in the mirror and I give myself a high five because I like how I look and I feel good.  But it seems whenever I have a good day, a string of bad days follow.  It's like ED can't handle me even having one good day, he has to take it from me, throw doubt in the mix and make everything confusing.

In a sense, I'm disappointed in myself that I'm struggling.  I want to be a voice for others who are struggling, but how can I set a good example when my mind starts spinning ED's lies?  Overall, I'm eating and my body tells me when it needs food - this is a very good thing!  Then there are days I still eat, but I'm so anxious and I start lamenting over the fact that my body has changed and how everyone is judging me.  (I have quite the ego, don't I?)

I still need help.  One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help and I've already learned many times that hiding and being silent is not the answer, so here it goes.

I need support.  I need family and friends that can set aside what they're doing because I need to talk something out or to cry or to celebrate.  I need reminders that life is amazing and beautiful.  I need someone to just ask "how are you?" and really mean it.  I need laughter and hugs and shared memories.  I need to know how you are doing and if you need me.

I'm blessed with so many wonderful people in my life and I continuously have to remind myself that I don't have to do this alone and the best part is knowing none of you would want me to do this alone.

I love you all!  Getting my perspective back is difficult, but I know I can do this with your help!

Thank you.