I have hips

A few years ago I went shopping with a friend.  My mission was to get nice black dress pants for work.  So we went to store after store not finding pants that were comfortable or fit or that I liked.  At last though, I found the pair of pants.  I showed my friend to see what she thought:

Wow, I didn't realize until now, but you have wide hips.

I said sadly, I know...

She said that is was a good thing because I'm a woman and women are supposed to have hips.

That didn't make me feel much better and I knew her intention was never to make my already low self esteem plummet even farther down the rabbit hole.

Years before this incident I was visiting Colombia with my dad.  We were staying with a friend of his who had a daughter around my age.  We went shopping and I had a mission: I wanted a skirt.  I love dresses and skirts, but I never seem to find the right fit for my curvy body.

There we are standing in one of the stores in a huge mall: my dad, his friend, his friend's daughter and me.  I didn't speak Spanish very well at that time, but as Laura asked the sales lady about skirts I knew enough Spanish to know that "ancho" means wide.  The sales lady was looking me over and speaking too fast and putting her hands on her hips...that Spanish word I will never forget.  Ancho.  

Yes, thank you very much, I'm very well aware that I have hips and that I'm curvy.  Only a select few people don't define me as curvaceous, but the rest of the population seem to have to come to the same conclusion: I have hips and I'm curvy.

Some people make curvy look hot, but if I ever try the styles I see work on other beautiful ladies I'm looking back at a disaster in the mirror.  Why does it work for them and not me?  I can't do thin right and I can't do curvy right.  I'm in some weird limbo that nobody makes clothes for.

I haven't gone shopping in a long time.  I know I'm not ready to expose myself to all the different clothing sizes and pictures of happy-go-lucky models wearing the clothes I want to try on, but seeing their long, flowing limbs I know this might not go well.

Last night I was talking with the costumer who I'm working with for this most recent show.  We talked about all different kinds of topics and it landed on it matters how you look in theatre.  Of course that hit home because I know that I don't look right for theatre.  I sometimes pass for "white," but with my brown eyes, black hair and a very light hint of "something" in my pigment I don't stand a chance against the other "American" girls.  I mentioned to her it doesn't help that I'm curvy too and that did it for her.  She became so passionate about making me see that I'm gorgeous, that my body is perfect just the way it is.  I almost wanted to start crying because I could feel those words like I've never felt before.

Thank you, Sharon.  I'm filing away your wonderful words to repeat to myself when I'm having a rough day or I think my hips are too wide.