Sharing is caring, not comparing

Let's face it, we all compare ourselves to others.

He makes more money.

She always gets a better grade.

Why does it seem like his life is perfect?

Why am I not married yet?

I don't have a thigh gap like her.

That last example is usually how I spend my day comparing.  Are they:

Shorter?

Taller?

Skinnier?

Bigger?

About the same?

It's like a math equation.  If her jeans are size 0 plus 2 inches taller minus any body fat equals I need to lose 20 pounds.

Huh?

I'm okay at math, but somehow that equation never seems to compute right...

In treatment one of my challenges was not comparing myself to the other patients.  Everyone is so beautiful and it always seemed like they all had something that I didn't.  I'm sure they felt the same way, although ED loved telling me how much I didn't belong.

If I think this over with my logical mind, I can see that everyone has a different frame and body type.  Just because someone has a smaller frame doesn't mean that I'm fat.  It means I have a different frame.  I can't make myself grow a few inches or push my hips in or thin out my thighs or change my eye color to blue.  

I came with this body and I have to find a way to accept it as it is and not compare myself to how others turned out.  I remember taking a bathroom break with one of the other patients and telling her how much I felt like an alien.  Looking at everyone else's skinny limbs was getting to me.

"You're not an alien!" was her reply.  

This is when I need to remind myself that eating disorders aren't about how we look, but how we think and feel.  If we could all take out the tapes playing in our heads and listen to them one at a time, I'm positive we'd hear the same ideas, doubts, fears, etc.  

ED wants us to feel so alone, but we aren't.

ED wants us to feel so ashamed because we don't look like her.  You know who I mean, the one in class, at the mall, at work, the one who takes her dog for a walk, your neighbor, or even the one in your family.

But the truth of the matter is, I'm never going to look like her.  I'm not supposed to.  Somehow I got the wrong memo about that.  

I'm only supposed to look like the one person I know:

Me